aftermath

no. this is not an emo post.

or maybe it is. i don't know anymore.

i would rather put my head inside a toilet bowl than become one of those "oh-my-god-she-left-me" guys. so i promise, none of that. the past few days, i've been feeling a backlash of sorts. i do every imaginable thing on earth to keep myself busy. but who am i doing it for? myself? oh... that's nice. the truth is, i've never felt lonelier in my life.

i've been trying to get up from the mud for almost three months now. i haven't really said anything to anyone about this so i might as well post it in the internet, right? aww heck, no one reads this stupid blog anyway. i'm drifting, fellas. and i don't know where i'm going. it's colder, hotter, more irritating, more annoying... everything is just one notch over my level of tolerance.

i'm not that strong as i would have her believe. i pour everything into creation now. writing every single memory that i have. maybe because i wouldn't want it to disappear. everything i write, there is a somber mood. like an elegy. or a funeral dirge. i stood in front of a blazing fire thinking i can put it out. this is the aftermath.

(pay 31 pesos, turn right, turn left at mcdo, go straight, turn right at starbucks, go straight, turn left at the first stoplight, turn right at the school, go straight past the ranch, turn right at her village, turn left, turn right at the third street, go straight past the humongous hump, and stop at the pink house.)

i miss her. so bad.
there... i broke my promise. but i just had to say it.

i broke up with someone i am so madly in love with.
learn from my mistake. be warned.

sorry for the emo.