Sunday, January 30, 2005

Sweetest Things


Morning+Waltz
Originally uploaded by revolver01.
took this picture during a hong kong trip a couple of years ago.

Here is an ode to romance and the romantics.

We are losing the war against the cynics and the players...

Just keep on dreaming, believing... love is going to happen, once again.

Saturday, January 29, 2005

twenty minutes

These are some of the songs currently playing over and over in my room and in my head.

1. Cells - The Servant
2. Numbers - Kraftwerk
3. Endless Love - Lionel Richie and Diana Ross
4. You're The Best Thing That Ever Happened To Me - Gladys Knight
5. Angel - Aretha Franklin
6. Name of the Game - The Crystal Method
7. Heaven - Bryan Adams
8. Experimental Film - They Might Be Giants
9. Drowning In Your Eyes - Will Downing
10. Azwethinkweiz - Incubus
11. Glory Of Love - Peter Cetera and Amy Grant
12. Holdin' On Together - Phoenix
13. Fake Plastic Trees - Radiohead
14. If You Find Yourself Caught In Love - Belle & Sebastian
15. The World Is Yours - Nas
16. Easy - The Commodores
17. II BS - Charlie Mingus
18. Salt Peanuts - Charlie Parker and Dizzy Gillespie
19. Mi Unicornio Azul - Mercedes Sosa
20. Les Sucettes - France Gall

one of the weirdest playlists ever... anyways,

i'll be back in a bit for an ACTUAL blog entry...

Thursday, January 27, 2005

in memoriam.


couple_sketch
Originally uploaded by revolver01.
no butterflies
or raspberries.

sunshines
or clouds.

laughter or
cats.

no more.

in memoriam
2003-2004

...in another life.

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

012105


IMG_2263
Originally uploaded by revolver01.
from left: justin. jeremy. claude. mamu. chibu. isabel. juanmig.

J4 plus E


IMG_2096
Originally uploaded by revolver01.
from left: juanmig. eric. chibu. julio. jan.

taken before jan left for north carolina.

you suck, jan. umuwi ka na.

Monday, January 24, 2005

Shadow Puppets

I have always thought of myself as a man of passion. A good chunk of my life has been given to fulfilling the dream of making movies. I have foregone artistic pretension in favor of going back to the roots of the craft, to tell a story, and not just any story but my stories. And all these stories should have but two things: heart and the desire to affect. Lately, I lost this dream. I have relegated myself to nothingness, choosing every path that leads opposite to my chosen craft. Slowly but surely, my mind is beginning to feel this backlash. And still, I crumble into apathy.

It seems that I have allowed myself to be a mere shadow puppet, an indecipherable figure projected onto a background. There was something lost, something which I should give my remaining days into recovering. Passion has left my soul, and for a man who relies on it for strength, I consider myself a corpse.

Let this piece serve as a confession. I have failed.

The coming days should provide time for me to regain my senses. If this is indeed my future, then I have to begin now. From now on, every waking day is given to fulfilling the dream. My dream. If I want something done, then I won't wait for anyone or anything. Focus on everything, keep my eyes and my mind open to reality, the openness of life. I am going to tell my stories to the world, whether you like it or not. And these stories are not for show, to further intellectual and artistic pretension. My one aim in every story I tell should be the desire to affect, and coupled with this, heart.

I am going to breathe life into new people, new lives and new worlds. And I am going to make you listen. To paraphrase a famous sculptor, I will lend a piece of my soul to every story I tell and bare it to everyone. There is no greater philanthropy than that. And this philanthropy should at the very least, try to affect the intended audience. For what purpose is art, if only for show? I will regain the love for this profession that slowly dwindles with each waking day as a shadow puppet.

It is time I step out of the shadows once again and bathe myself in light.

See you at the movies.

Sunday, January 23, 2005

some steadybears and some sporkers


IMG_2264
Originally uploaded by revolver01.
clockwise from leftmost: nix. april. jess. juanmig. mihk. king. mackie. adi.

january 21, 2005

man's best friend


chinaman
Originally uploaded by revolver01.
you think you're emo? check this out.

took this picture while i was outside a bag store in China. yes, that's a monkey beside him.

and i thought i was lonely...

Thursday, January 20, 2005

it's going to be a good year.


lonely
Originally uploaded by revolver01.
20 years. hmm... not bad.

i should learn from the signs.

Monday, January 17, 2005

"the ballad of juan miguel"... chapter 3

NOTE:

Let's have a break from the emo, friends.

More acclaim for
"The Ballad of Juan Miguel"
by Mihk Vergara and Mackie Galvez

"I read for two nights, sleepless... and as I turned the last page, finished, I turned the whole book over and started once again. It's that good."

"This, this is what stuff like words, letters and the printing press were invented for..."

"I propose that time be no longer divided by B.C. and A.D. but with the publication of the Ballad. May his sweet song guide the future of mankind. Marvelous!"

"A complex pastiche of raw emotion. Powerful in it's simplicity."

-----------------------------------------------

Dramatis Personae:

Juan Miguel, a boy
Miho, a girl
Baron Giuseppe, a mysterious man, Juan Mig’s friend
Billy Bob, 1 mig’s friend, boy
Whiskey Joe, disgruntled Vet

Chapter 3
Test of one’s metal

The three sat on the curb, sharing a cigarette. The girl took a long, hard drag and rubbed her sore arm. A little too tight on your grip. Sorry Luv. I forget me own strength. And it’s not like I’m not hurting either, said the disgruntled vet. But what a feeling, sobriety. I’ve been inebriated for so long, it’s nice to look at things with a little clarity. In fact I’m starting to see things pretty clearly. The vet glanced over at the girl and boy. The boy sat in silence. The vet offered the cigarette. What’s wrong son? Yer not sore about the bruise I gave your girl now? The boy turned over to look at the vet. It’s not that. I feel bad about your hand. It’s pretty useless now right? I’d hate to lose my hand.

Wait. What do you mean my girl?
________________________________________________________________________

Miho, Whiskey Joe and 1mig walked the streets together looking for a hardware store. They had agreed, after a rather long and awkward silence that they should help Whiskey Joe fix his vise hand. After all, it was shattered over a misunderstanding after all, and being the good people that 1 mig and Miho were, they were all too glad to help.

Miho was looking at random things in a childlike manner, as if everything were new. Of the three, she was the most animated. This saved her from the ramblings of whiskey Joe who, now sober, talked much more than usual. It was 1Mig who had to suffer the stories of the third world war and the subtle differences between whiskey and whiskey blue. Whiskey Light, Joe said, should never, ever, be mentioned in his presence.

Something else besides Whiskey Joe’s rants was vexing 1 mig. The return of his monitions had made him uneasy since the bar. They had not manifested since his adolescence, and their reappearance troubled him. As he was counting off possible explanations, their little pilgrimage suddenly stopped. Whiskey Joe wanted to buy cigarettes. 1mig thanked his luck.

We leave the trio for a while to dwell more on the phenomena of monitions. ESP buffs are probably wondering what difference between seeing the actual event take place and having a vision of it at the exact same time it’s happening. The answer is, quite simple, if one mig were facing away from event A, he would see Event A in his vision. However, should he be facing the event, he would process it the same as any human. The lights, smoke and crowd obscured his view of the Whiskey Joe fiasco, hence the monition. It might be interesting to add that the visions aren’t exactly in sync with actual events, there is a .00789 second head start on the monitions, but there is no noticeable inconsistency with the synchronicity. As for the effect radius, it is as wide as any human’s field of vision.

After buying cigarettes for himself (and the two, for which they thanked him), the three continued on. They had walked for at least a couple of hours more, and by that time all three of them were now enjoying themselves. Bless your hearts, but I don’t think there’s anything open at this time. Besides…….. it can’t be fixed. You needs a special kinda metal for it. I should have told you earlier, but it’s been so long since I’ve had friends. Well, real ones at least. I just……enjoyed the company is all. I’m sorry for leading ya on. The old vet sat on the curb and lit a cigarette.

No apologies necessary WJ, chirped Miho. It’s been kinda fun. Right 1 mig?
The boy was now silent. Whatever enjoyment 1mig had, it was now gone. 1 mig? What’s wrong?, miho asked.

The boy just stood there staring at the old vet. One could have easily mistaken the look on his face for disdain.

1 mig, he said he was sorry. It’s no big. The boy continued staring at Whiskey Joe. He sat down, and lit a cigarette. Miho, who knew nothing more could be said to either of them, also sat down on the curb and lit a cigarette. Another rather long and awkward silence ensued.

The boy, at this time, thought it best to say what had been troubling him. He was wont to be a little inconsiderate of others but always regained composure after awkward silences like this one. Awkward silences had been no stranger to 1 mig’s daily affairs, and in fact, his day would be incomplete without one. Having so many awkward silences happen to you sometimes makes you forget or perhaps even subconsciously deny that you are in fact culpable of them. This was the case with 1 mig. He had caused so many awkward silences over the years that he had become numb to their cause.

The boy stood up, ready to address his friends.

We can’t believe we’re doing this, the man thought. He put out his cigarette wit his huge, padded foot.

A mascot would not have seemed that out of place. After all, they have been used to promote everything from tampons to save earth rallies. Though some weren’t as lovable as they could have been, there is still that innate childhood fondness for all things big, fluffy and soft. This particular, big, fluffy and soft mascot was no exception. However, it was nearing 2 A.M., any promotional activity done at this hour would not have been very effective, or logical. To the casual observer, this mascot would seem suspicious. Let alone the fact that it was smoking like a chimney and stuffing pesos into a small, cloth bag.

A very special three. The last three you need, the Baron says. True, they would be what we are looking for, the man mused. I suppose he can be trusted. Love, after all, never takes sides. This took any doubt that remained in their minds, and they resolved to carry out what they had been doing since centuries past. The man closed the cloth bag, now full of pesos, with a knot.

He took a deep breath and took his step. He had begun swinging the bag of coins. A little later, he broke out in a run.

Just before 1 mig could break the awkward silence, it suddenly hit him. Another monition. He dropped to his knees.

1 mig! 1 mig are you okay? Back off there little missy. Give him some room. Now son what’s got you troubled?, the old vet said.

There’s a man coming towards us! I can see him!

Easy lad, alcohol will have that effect on ya, believe me. Just relax!

He’s coming right now, exactly now! He’s heading this way! He ‘s screaming

Nice night to dieeeeeeeee! Both one mig and the man said these words in perfect unison.

This startled both the old vet and the girl. They turned in the direction of their now all too real assailant. It was a huge mascot. With a cigarette in one hand and flailing a bag of coins like nobody’s business in the other. The three were fearful, and yet strangely amused at the same time.

The mascot hurtled at them with incalculable ferocity. The combined feelings of fear and amusement (almost like a familiar type of amusement really) had made it hard for them to make a direct course of action. The mascot had swung his blugeonesque bag of coins when the three started running. He had hit the lamppost where they had stop for Joe’s confession. Upon impact, the area of the post that was struck erupted into sparks, and there was a small trail of flame on it. So great was the force of his swing, the momentum of the bag made him lose his balance and topple over. Being as round as mascots are, it is quite cumbersome to get up after a nasty spill. This was an opportune chance for the three to escape. And so they did.

Crackers! The girl said, looking back. What was in that bag of coins?

Joe suddenly turned quiet. The boys eyes were on him.

So it’s true, the boy said. I was right about your hand.

‘Fraid so son. I promise on me mother’s grave I’ll tell ya everything, but for now, we best concentrate on making our escape.

The three sped along as quickly as a world war three veteran, dreamy waitress and odd boy could. As they turned, a corner to what they had hoped to be their safety. What awaited them was the spitting image of the mascot they had left behind about three blocks back.

How? Sputtered miho as she sought to catch her breath. The boy and the old vet instinctively shielded the girl.

For we are legion, the mascot said flatly. And. We. Are. Many.
________________________________________________________________________

Brief interlude: Bathala’s 33rd song

We sing of Bathala, and his many great works.
We sing of man, and how it could not stand against the demon, the trickster, Sworn enemy of Bathala.
We sing of how he fought the demon, the trickster, his sworn enemy.
How, through his infinite wisdom he brought down his nemesis with one blow.
Shattering his body into a thousand pieces. .

We sing of Bathala’s wisdom as he scatters the pieces around the earth.
We sing of his providence as he speaks and tell us,
“Now man can fight these evils himself, just as he had the power to always do so.”

We now curse the thousand evils all over this land.
We now curse their name.
We now curse the day they would join again.
For they are legion, and they are many.

Sunday, January 16, 2005

table for two.

Or not.

(Fuck.)

I have become what I have dreaded to be my whole life, the one thing I poured every ounce of energy of mine to avoid. I am slowly becoming an angsty/whiner/angry-at-the-human-race/loather teenager (or at least for what's left of my teen years).

I have become a cliche. Dear God. No.

So there, bring on the pseudo-punk/gothic ensemble: the non-functional accessories, dark mismatched make-up and long scraggly hair. Bring on the those young teenage rock bands who live with their moms and I'll buy a ticket to their next concert. Or those heartbroken teenage rocker girls, who wail about lost loves using overly idiotic amateur poetry ignoring all rhyme and rhythm as an excuse to scream. Let them belt me out a song or two.

No, this isn't working.

I guess all the memories just kick in when visiting a place of nostalgia. More than just kicking in, it slaps you, spits on you and calls your mother names. Part of me wanted to bump into her while I was there. But it didn't happen. I remember the streets well, the sidewalks, the shops... it was because I used to drive by them with the girl I love beside me. In a sweet embrace that seemed to say "I don't want to let go."

Well, we both did. I've known no greater regret in my life than this. Giving up on someone. Of all the things that I am passionate about, everything that I have said about not giving up... I had to break all of that with the one thing I'm so desperate for now. Love. And not just any kind of love. The kind that makes your heart ache with delight once you have it and ache in pain the minute you lose it.

I miss having someone text me "good nyt, hon" in sweet cutesy letters with smileys. Or someone who's genuinely concerned whether I've eaten lunch or not. Or maybe catching a movie and cuddling together when it gets too cold inside the theater. The conversations over coffee and cigarettes with topics ranging from global hunger to shallow gossip. Or the times that we'd laugh so hard and so long that we sometimes forget what we were laughing about.

I've driven around the south, just the two of us. I loved every minute of it.

But now, even if i drive around with a group of people in the car, I'd still feel alone.

I told a friend of mine recently that people like us believe in only one thing, that we are made for someone. Is there a greater purpose than that? That is why I mope, I fall quiet, I sulk... it is because I am missing my purpose. I wasn't designed to be alone, with no one to love. It is my drug. My highest high. I am lost without someone in my life.

I'm guessing I'd see her tomorrow and from time to time. We'd exchange glances and a smile. Maybe even a hi. And we'd sit there in silence trying to ignore each other. Or maybe she has completely forgotten about me. Who knows? And she'd walk away and say goodbye, like we said to each other... only this time, we don't cry. We can't even force a tear if we wanted to.

She'd walk away not knowing that I would steal another glance at her... secretly hoping she was doing the same thing with me.

loneliness is our only true companion.


Airport
Originally uploaded by revolver01.
took this picture while waiting for the immigrations guy at the NAIA.

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

the ballad of juan miguel... chapter 2

Acclaim for:

The Ballad of Juan Miguel
by Mihk Vergara and Mackie Galvez

"Not since the book of Genesis has there been a book that should be required reading for the entire human race."

"Food no longer needed, thanks to 'The Ballad of Juan Miguel'."

"Intimate, funny and wise... The authors at their most persuasive."

"As nearly perfect as any book can be."

NOTE: here it is. chapter 2 of the ballad...

-----------------------------------

Dramatis Personae:

Juan Miguel, a boy
Miho, a girl
Baron Giuseppe, a mysterious man, Juan Mig’s friend
Billy Bob, 1 mig’s friend, boy
Whiskey Joe, disgruntled Vet

Chapter 2
Band Aid

In a small café, a girl tuned her guitar to prepare for tonight’s set. The café didn’t have many patrons, and the pay wasn’t good. She had often wondered why she played here as long as she did. She glanced over to her lead singer, the man whose voice had been blessed by the angel, our hero, Juan Miguel Sevilla. Once again, as he had done so many times before, her resolve had been strengthened. She would strum on her guitar and give the world its greatest gift, Miguel’s angelic voice.

Miguel, clucked hiss tongue at the mike, checking if the decibel level was just right. It was. He launched into what the masses had come to call “God’s Q-Tip”. He opened his mouth and began: two beers please.

Miho blinked hard. Excuse me? Two beers please. Uh, Strong ice. Oh, two beers. Yes. Yes of course. Miho cursed herself as she left to place his order. Had she been staring again? Twice this week! Twice this week! She said to herself. Miho often dreamed of performing onstage, but she never got the nerve to do so. It was the same old story. Her friends said she had talent, she was convinced herself, but it never came to anything.

Her fellow waitress walked over. You’re doing it again. I know! I know! At least you keep him coming here. Shut up! I’m not the reason he comes here! Irked by her co-workers remark, she went off to wait more tables.

************************************************************************

Miguel waited for the beers. Things had smoothed over between him and Billy Bob, but they weren’t exactly on speaking terms just yet. He squinted at the stage lights as he searched for Miho’s figure going through tonight’s audience. He could tell from their attitude, that tonight hadn’t attracted the most “civilized” of crowds. The trash of Manila seemed to have found their way into the club that night. A rowdy bunch, this author might say.

Miho had gotten The Voce of God’s two beers as an unknown vagabond came up from behind her. His breath reeked of the night’s most potent medicine: tequila. Whiskey Joe would once more try his luck on Miho. It would not be. Tonight would not be the night. In fact, never agin would he be able to try hihs luck on this diamond in the rough.

The stage lights had just momentarily left from one miguel’s vision, revealing the atrocity that could happen. Again, love’s call beckoned to him as Joe ran his hands up and down Miho’s bare arm: love of countryman. Whiskey Joe was a veteran of the Third World War, and had been struck by the most unlikely of projectiles, a crate of whiskey, therefore embedding his obsession with the potent liquid.

History Buffs may wonder what exactly started the Third World War, and seeing as how it is too lengthy to discuss here, the authors will summarize it as thus: it never happened. Whiskey Joe simply was pelted by a crate of Whiskey at an early age. He was dropped several times as a child before that. Since that fateful day, when Joe first experience flight from three stories up, there had been no sign of his mental disability. Until another fateful day, (the authors would say that Whiskey Joe was one ruled by fate) when Claire Danes during an interview for her box office bomb, Brokedown Palace, commented that Manila was a “ghastly” place. From that moment on, a personal war against Claire Danes and thus the rest of the world ensued. Now this story does not take place in Manila, nor was Whiskey Joe a Filipino, but he did not take this lightly. The bar, where this chapter is situated, does not take place in Manila as well, it just so happens that the drudge that found its way into the bar were Filipino citizens. So much for Whiskey Joe’s history.

Now, Fate’s Chew Toy, took one last swig from his bottle as he strode towards Miho. A stern face of intent was painted all over Whiskey Joe. He took the final step, and placed a firm grip on Miho’s arm. He squeezed it hard, as if she hadn’t already placed her attention to this reeking man. He whispered through his teeth,
–Do you know who he is? Do you know whose heart you desire?
--What do you mean? She pulled her arm, but the vice that Whiskey Joe had replaced his left hand with, held firm.
--Do you know what this means? Do you?
--I don’t know what you’re talking about! Miguel? No! You’re mistaken! She screamed. Once again she pulled. There was no escaping this vice-like vice grip.
--Don’t you understand what this means? His heart belong to no body! Except…

Onemig could barely make out the figure of Joe against the spotlights pointed at the stage. The Villegas Lighting Company had truly the most powerful of equipment. A premonition of this very moment had occurred to Miguel at that moment. Miguels premonitions were of moments that happened at the very same moment he got them. It was only one curse of many that Baron Giuseppe had placed on him, lifetimes ago. The curse of the Monitions. Only when the gleam of Joe’s newly polished vice pierced thru thee cigarette smoke, did Miguel know that something was amiss. Joe had never polished his vice before. A small link, the authors understand, a very weak link, admittedly. But Onemig had never been a fan of logic. This on the other hand, was not one of Baron’s curses. Miguel was born this way.

Miguel, clucked his tongue, drew a deep breath, and let out one note: L sharp. We are aware that this note does not exist. But the beauty that spewed out of miguel’s vocal chords deserves to be named after the first letter of life’s biggest mystery: LOVE.

No sound waves flew threw the air, since miguel’s notes do not travel through the air. Directed only at Joe’s vice, L sharp shttered the vice into pieces. But there were no pieces that flew as shrapnel, for the shattered bits of Joe’s vice floated down like petals. Now the reader may be led to believe that the iron of the vice actually turned into rose petals, but the reader must not be misunderstood. They merely floated down like them. In terror, whiskey joe felt something he hadn’t in decades: soberness. Such nostalgia did Joe feel, that he plopped down on the floor, and a slow tear ran down his cheek. The terror had ended.


Monday, January 10, 2005

silence and tears.


casa_letter
Originally uploaded by revolver01.
In secret we met
In silence I grieve
That thy heart could forget,
Thy spirit deceive.
If I should meet thee
After long years,
How should I greet thee?
With silence and tears.

-- Lord Byron

Sunday, January 09, 2005

university nights


admin+by+night+-+xavier+hall
Originally uploaded by revolver01.
the old think tank is depressing at night. though not necessarily nighttime but during the magic hour when night and day seem to wage war in the heavens above us, neither side winning.

Saturday, January 08, 2005

aftermath

no. this is not an emo post.

or maybe it is. i don't know anymore.

i would rather put my head inside a toilet bowl than become one of those "oh-my-god-she-left-me" guys. so i promise, none of that. the past few days, i've been feeling a backlash of sorts. i do every imaginable thing on earth to keep myself busy. but who am i doing it for? myself? oh... that's nice. the truth is, i've never felt lonelier in my life.

i've been trying to get up from the mud for almost three months now. i haven't really said anything to anyone about this so i might as well post it in the internet, right? aww heck, no one reads this stupid blog anyway. i'm drifting, fellas. and i don't know where i'm going. it's colder, hotter, more irritating, more annoying... everything is just one notch over my level of tolerance.

i'm not that strong as i would have her believe. i pour everything into creation now. writing every single memory that i have. maybe because i wouldn't want it to disappear. everything i write, there is a somber mood. like an elegy. or a funeral dirge. i stood in front of a blazing fire thinking i can put it out. this is the aftermath.

(pay 31 pesos, turn right, turn left at mcdo, go straight, turn right at starbucks, go straight, turn left at the first stoplight, turn right at the school, go straight past the ranch, turn right at her village, turn left, turn right at the third street, go straight past the humongous hump, and stop at the pink house.)

i miss her. so bad.
there... i broke my promise. but i just had to say it.

i broke up with someone i am so madly in love with.
learn from my mistake. be warned.

sorry for the emo.